A Year later...

It's been exactly one year since Matthew and I began our journey together to have a family. A year ago, I was a completely different person. A year ago, if some one told me that they were pregnant, I probably would have cried. A year later, the pain still hits, but I am less likely to cry and more likely to listen to praise and worship music. A year ago, I felt hopeless. A year later, I feel extremely hopeful and completely filled with peace.  A year ago, I was scared and felt a lone in my struggle. A year later, I am confident and have built many new relationships and even made old ones stronger. A year ago, I didn't know if I would be a mom. A year later, I am certain in God's plan.

God has given me so much strength through my pain. He is the reason I can say all those things. He is the reason that I know I will be a mom. As much as this process has been painful and on-going, I know that God has my back. Good things will come and I can't wait to share how Matt and my story unfolds.  But for now, I just want to praise and thank God for never leaving me and for always giving me peace. I know from personal experience that letting yourself get the "best" of you is never going to be the best way to deal with pain. Letting yourself be completely filled with fear and anger will never make you feel better. I know.  Letting go of yourself and letting God fill you with love and peace is the only way I can honestly say will get you through your time of suffering.

Beauty from Ashes

Summer certainly flies by. It's been a while since I last posted, partly because I have been super busy taking care of my house, and mostly because I wasn't inspired to write about anything.

This past week has been one of those turning points when encountering a challenge in life. I am proud and super happy to say OUR FLOORS ARE FINALLY FINISHED AND BEAUTIFUL! I have been waiting since April to have my house feel like my home again. It is so surreal now, sitting at my kitchen table thinking back to that Thursday night when the flood gates opened and water came pouring up from the crawl space into my lovely home, with perfectly sanded and stained, beautiful, oak wood floors! Upon walking back into my house after spending a week with my parents, I had no idea what to expect. I couldn't even imagine how my house could go from disaster zone to my new peaceful paradise. My expectation and imagination didn't not even come close to the reality of what I walked in to. My jaw dropped and my heart skipped a beat. It was love at first sight! I may be sounding a bit ridiculous right now, but I am seriously trying to emphasize the drastic change of appearance my house just underwent.

Having our floors turn out this gorgeous represents much more to me than having eye candy to look at when sitting on the couch in the living room. It represents that beauty does come from ashes and good things do come to those who wait and all those other silly sayings that my mom said ARE TRUE! It may seem like a small victory in the big picture of my home's life, but it was a huge battle won in my heart. I know that I was meant to go though that horrible experience of my house flooding because in the end it taught me that God's plans are better than I can imagine. In the moment of the flood it was not fun and I thought what could be worse, but seeing what became of the effects of the flood actually made the experience worth it. I have a new found hope in my relationship with God and in the journey that He has me on. If God can do all this for our house, I can't even imagine what He will do for our own little family. May small victories in life give you encouragement and hope in the battles of life. God is AWESOME!

You gotta go through the mess to get to the good.

What does one do when they have 8 weeks of vacation? Projects! After having 4 dehumidifiers and the AC running for 3 1/2 weeks our floors are finally ready to be refinished! I can not even explain how happy I am about this. My house has been in turmoil since the flood back in April. Yesterday, my husband and I got some projects done around the house and yard. You would think that my husband would be the one pulling up old linoleum and tile floors and I would be the one outside planting the new bushes and plants, but it was quite the opposite. I pulled up all the floors and scraped up most of the old tar off of the wood floors in the kitchen/dining area and foyer by myself. After the job was done for the day and I had time to process what was going on; I actually got a little unnerved about the whole situation. I really liked my house the way it was before the flood. I liked the warmth of the carpets. I liked having my house neat and orderly. I liked that my 13 year old puppy could walk on the floors without slipping and freaking out. I liked living in a home that was pretty much project free. Now my house is one, big, hot mess! There is boxes of books, pictures, and kitchen supplies packed away. There is furniture in rooms where it doesn't belong. Dust and the smell of tar have invaded my once, warm and inviting space. There is no room in the house that I actually feel the sense of comfort that one's home should bring.

My husband usually knows how to bring me comfort after I express to him that I am stressed out and feeling depressed about the whole situation. He said to me, "You gotta go through the mess to get to the good." Such simple words, yet so profound. I do have to go through the mess and I have been. I am ready for the good to come out of all this. Not just with the flood, but dealing with infertility too. I am ready for good reports from the doctor, beginning my first round of IVF, a positive pregnancy test, buying decorations for a baby room, and clean, refinished wood and tile floors!

Foyer floors after old tile has been removed

Kitchen floors