Nesting

One of the most exciting parts to me about having a new baby is decorating the nursery! I had so much fun doing this that I kinda feel bad that my other children probably won't get the same time and effort put into their nursery. I just couldn't help myself.

The Before

The room used to be a catch all room and Matt used the room for his closet. Matt once had dreams of using the room as a Man Cave, but that just never happened. Here is a picture of the room last summer before the floors and trim were updated after the flood.

This is my poor mother. She spent about 10 hours of her life completing the chevron wall that I was just a little too particular about. I was actually not allowed to touch it, so I just project managed, informing her of any angles that needed fixing. I don't think she appreciated my side comments too much.

The After

Here is the completed chevron wall. Pink and White. Perfect in every way. 

Overall picture of the room. Three walls aqua, accent wall chevron pink and white. 

Triangles Rug in Gray: Pottery Barn for Kids

Curtains fabric: Joanne Fabrics; made by my mom and Auntie Jenny

The Crib

Fisher Price 3-in-1 convertible in Misty Gray compliments of Mom and Dad Loerop

Bed set is Circo Geo Girl from Target (this was actually my inspiration for the color scheme) compliments of Evergreen Academy Teachers and Staff.

Circo Fitted Crib Sheet in Elephants from Target compliments of Uncle Taylor and Auntie Jamie. 

Wall collage designed by me

The Wall Collage

I really wanted something special over the crib that really tied the room and all of it's colors and themes together. I was inspired by Pinterest and Etsy, but most of the design is my own. 

Love mirror: Hobby Lobby

Elephant Chevron and scripture sign art: Etsy (seller karimachal) This also includes a Monogram of her name, but I am holding back on framing that until after she is born.

 The next three pictures were designed by me. The frames were purchased from the dollar store. I painted them using the left over paint from her room. The first image is Psalm 139:14. I thought this was appropriate since Baby Girl is a gift from God.

The second image is a quote from one of my favorite children's books, "Love you Forever" by Robert Munsch. 

The third image is of themes that I hope my Baby Girl develops over her lifetime. Hope in her God, Believe in her God, and Love her God.

The Rocker and Chifferob

Eddie Bauer Chair and Half Rocker in Gray: Target; Compliments of Grandma and Grandpa Loerop

Decorative Pillows: Etsy (seller: PillowsbyJanet)

Chifferob: This is a family heirloom. My Grandma Boender used this for all of her three daughters, my mom and aunts used this for their babies, and now I get to use it for my babies. I painted the drawer and door faces gray to compliment the rocker and crib.

Circo Changing Pad Cover in Pink: Compliments of my Aunt Cindy and cousins, Faith and Kayla

The Bookshelf

Room Essentials Three Shelf Bookcase: Target

Lamp: Ikea

Elephant Bank: Tiffany & Co, compliments of my very good friend Sara. 

Basket o toys: Karis Jordan and family; toys are purchased from friends

Books: Friends and Family

The Storage

3 Floating Shelves: Ikea

3 Storage baskets for diapers, pacifiers lotions, and other baby type things: HomeGoods

Chevron Laundry Basket in Pink and White: Target, compliments of my Aunt Cindy and cousins Faith and Kayla

Bow Rack: Frame is from Hobby Lobby. I nailed fishing line across in three locations. The clips have small gray flower stickers on them.
All the bows are gifts from the baby shower. I think she is set for a life time.

As you can see, I just couldn't help myself. 

5 years

Five years ago, at about 5:30 pm, Matthew and I said our "I-dos"in a small church in Lansing, IL. In all honesty, it is quite a miracle that we even got married with how screwed up our pasts were. God knew what He was doing when He allowed us to meet at Anderson University. He knew that even though we were quite sinful and living how we pleased, we were meant for each other. He knew that we would choose to use our marriage to glorify Him.

We took vows that day.

Vows that promised to be constant friends, faithful partners, and each other's great love from that day forward.

We promised to be faithful in sickness and in health. This may seem trivial and many marriage vows say that exact line, but when I honestly think about it, it can make or break a marriage. It's easy to be happy and joyful when you are both healthy, but it's a whole different scenario when some one is "sick". God knew Matthew and I were meant to be.  I don't know who I would have wanted to share the journey of infertility with besides him. God blessed me with such a patient, loyal, honorable, and loving husband. God knew this "sickness" that became our marriage would only make us love each other more.

We promised to be faithful in good times and in bad. Another make or break marriage-type-vow. In five years, I would say Matthew and I have had our share of good times and bad. We've have many great adventures together by going on many different trips to explore the world around us, we've ate good food, drank good wine, and just had those Friday nights were we just wanted to watch a movie and eat pizza. We've also endured fights, a house flooding, a dog dying, cars breaking down, and the obvious, not knowing if we could conceive. God has been there through it all. Five years later, I can honestly say I wouldn't change any of it.

We promised to be supportive in each other's goals. I am a goal oriented person. In fact, this may be a quality my husband gets annoyed with because my goal oriented personality also means I struggle to have patience when completing my goals in a timely matter. God knew Matthew was meant for me. Matthew has been there as I took on two years of Master courses, redecorated our house (and spent more money than I should have), needed things done "at this moment", and nesting this summer. Nesting could have pushed him over board, especially since I needed certain things done in a specific order, but being the patient husband that he is, our house is perfect for baby's arrival. God also knew Matthew needed me to be patient and supportive as he figured out what his purpose and career should look like. I think he's finally found his niche in landscaping, ponds, and plants. God has given him a career, he finally has a passion for and that is something you can't take for granted.

We promised to cherish each other for as long as we both shall live. In the first year of marriage, newly weds probably don't really know what it means to cherish some one. Life at that point is still rainbows and kittens, but as life gets "real", you learn what it means to cherish someone. I know that Matthew and I still have a lot a head of us and a lot of cherishing to learn. I am honored to have gone through what we did because after five years I can be cliche and say, I love Matthew more than the day I married him. I can only imagine what our next five years will bring on.

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil, cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves." Romans 12:9-10 This was our wedding verse. It is most difficult to honor another before yourself, but if you try just a little a married life is worth it.

27 Days

27 days. I can't believe that after waiting for 30 months to get pregnant, I only have 27 days until little, miss Loerop is supposed to enter the world. It seems like a million years ago that I found out I would have great difficultly becoming pregnant and now it seems so surreal that our little family of two, will become a family of three in 27 days. 

Right before we started the IVF treatment, some good friends of ours gave us a very thoughtful gift. I am sure when they took time to make us the gift, they probably didn't think how much it would really mean to us and how we would use the gift. The gift consisted of perfectly chosen bible verses written on pieces of paper to encourage us as I was injected with medicine through needles, going to check the progress of my eggs every other day, having my eggs retracted, having our embryos conceived, having the perfect, little embryo implanted, and finally waiting the long 2 weeks to find out if the whole process worked. Every day, Matthew and I would take a bible verse, read it, and then tape it to the nursery door. The door became some what of a place where Matt and I would tape things up to encourage us through out my pregnancy. 

The items on the door consisted of more than just pieces of paper with Bible verses on them, but also the place where we taped up her first ultrasound pictures. The pictures include her embryo (which is basically an arrow pointing to where she was implanted), her amniotic sack (she was still too small to be seen in an ultrasound), and finally her "teddy gram" photo (her first picture is of when she was the size of a teddy gram, so that is how we refer to it). Another object, we included on the door is our positive pregnancy test. It may be creepy that a pee stick is taped to the door, but it holds such encouragement to me specifically, as it was the first positive test I had ever seen in the 2 1/2 years I had been waiting. To finally see a positive test after so many negatives is celebration and reason to hang on our door. 

The picture below is of the door, pretty early on into our pregnancy, with most of the bible verses, pregnancy text, and her embryo photo. 

I obviously am not keeping all these items that have been our encouragement on her nursery door. I decided I have to do something significant with the Bible verses. This past month, I have been heavy into the nesting part of pregnancy and took a lot of time to decorate and make her nursery my "dream" nursery (Blog Post coming soon with pictures of the finished nursery). I decided that part of the nursery decor should be a wall hanging with the bible verses that encouraged Matthew and I.  

The wall hanging was made using an art canvas, Modge Podge, and scrapbooking stickers. I wanted, "For With God Nothing Shall be Impossible" as the focal point because that will be the life verse for her baby dedication as it was a huge part of the day she was implanted and an encouragement to me as I waited to see if I was pregnant or not. 

27 days. I can't believe in 27 days the prayer and dream I have had for a long time will finally come true.

Classroom 208

Goodbyes are a hard fact of life.

This past week, I had to say good-bye to Room 208. Room 208 has been my classroom for the past 3 years. It was my first ever classroom to serve as a homeroom for my first two graduating classes. It was the first classroom that became my domain for teaching reading to 8th grade in. It was the classroom where I laughed, cried, yelled, danced, and listened with students in. It was the classroom where I found out from the doctor that I was pregnant after waiting for so long. I absolutely loved this classroom.

Room 208 has been my home and last week I packed up all my things to put into storage because I will be moving positions and coming back in the middle of the year. It was a strange feeling taking down bulletin boards, putting books away, packing up my desk, and making sure it was left clean for the next occupant. My heart was heavy and saddened knowing that the room and job I love so much is changing.

Goodbyes may be a hard fact of life, but hellos can be far better.

This past week, I realized that I have something far more important to plan for than Room 208 and teaching Literature. I get to have the important and honoring task of being a mother to my very own baby girl. A baby girl that I get to say hello to in 10 weeks. I may be loosing something that I completely love, but I am gaining something that I will love with all of my heart.

And who knows, it is possible that the next classroom I say hello to, will serve me even better memories.

Endings and Beginnings: A Tribute to Lucy

Four years ago, Matthew and I took in my parent's dog, a Golden Retriever named, Lucy. At the time she was 10 years old. My mom asked me if Matt and I wouldn't mind keeping her for the summer, the summer turned into four years. Yesterday, we said good-bye to Lucy. Lucy was more that just a dog to Matthew and I, she was our family, our buddy, our pal.

Her sickness came on quickly, in matter of three days, her hind legs went from giving out on her occasionally on Wednesday to losing the ability to walk completely Friday. The vet said she had neurological issues. We knew her life had served it's purpose Friday morning when she was unable to walk herself outside for her morning pee. I immediately contacted my family, her first family that raised her from puppy, to let them know of Lucy's condition. Friday night was spent with my brother Taylor and Fiance Jamie, my sister Hailey (who actually spent the night and was there when Lucy passed), Matt, and myself. My siblings were there to say their good-byes; Matthew and I were grateful that Lucy  had people around her who loved her.

Lucy lived a full 14 years and a great life. A life I would like to share a glimpse of...

She loved my husband deeply and wouldn't be content until he came home. She was especially his buddy, his pal.
She was a silly dog, who was afraid of brooms, rakes, lawn mowers, vacuum cleaners, swiffer wet jets, and thunderstorms. We would often find her tucked into our closet during thunderstorms when we came home from wherever we were.
She loved any sort of human contact or the rub down, as Matt called it.
She was always eager to see who came in the door when we had company. She loved sniffing every inch of our guests, always wagging her tail. She just loved people.
She was a gentle spirit, never to bite a single soul. Even when we played "rough" she never bit down if our fingers were near her mouth.
She had to be where ever Matt and I were, if we were outside she wanted out, if we were inside she wanted in. Often she would follow us around the house or yard, just to be close.
She had two favorite toys and both of them happen to be stuffed owls. They were called her two "Hooties". She took them everywhere.
She absolutely adored going on walks. I wish I had taken more walks with her.
She had many nicknames, mostly given by Matt: Lucy Goosey Pudding Pie, Little Lamb, Lucy Love Button, and Monkey.
She will be greatly missed. We are happy to have been her caretakers for the past four years. She couldn't have been a better dog and friend.

She was a huge part of our marriage, 4 out of our almost 5 years, and we considered her our practice daughter. She was a huge comfort to us, while we waited to get pregnant and was always there for us when we needed someone to talk to. She was our perfect transition into parenthood because in just four short months a new life will come into our lives that will give us so much more joy than we can imagine. And knowing my husband, our daughter will be his new Little Lamb.

Thankful Heart

What I have learned through this journey is that it is REALLY easy to be happy with God when things are going well. Even after accepting the fate of having to deal with IVF, I still had times when life was going pretty well and it was easy for me to just thank God for all he has done. It is most hard for me to thank God in times of pain or suffering because I feel that I am all alone and that He doesn't really care what is happening to me or that He is letting this happen, so I must have done something wrong. Deep down I know that it must be for a reason (usually the reason is only to make me stronger and honor Him) and I am still learning those lessons. Now, months later, I can begin see how He worked through my suffering. 

I can see that His hand was a part of the whole journey. I thank Him for letting me born in a time period when doctors and medicine allow for such miracles to take place in science. Actually, I thank Him for giving humans such amazing brains that they can even think of ideas and procedures such as IVF. It wasn't even 40 years ago that couples who were infertile even had the choice to have there own children through procedures like IVF. That is just pretty amazing!

I thank Him for protecting me through the different procedures that I had to undergo and all the potential complications that doctors always scare you with. I am really beginning to despise those potential complications especially now that I am going in for prenatal check-ups. Is it really necessary to tell me every little thing that COULD happen to me or the baby!  Ignorance really is bliss.

I thank Him for giving me peace that I couldn't or can't explain through the waiting or the "I have no idea if I will ever have children" period. Phillipians 4:7 makes complete sense to me now, "And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." I honestly don't know what I would have done if I let my mind go crazy. There probably would have been way more tears and anger towards couples who can get pregnant on their own. 


I could go on an on about how God's timing was perfect and different things happened that made the journey even better in the end, but I am not. I just thank God for being God! A God who loves his children unconditionally, who is a Father that teaches His children many life lessons only so that we can have a full and abundant life through Him. I mean if God just gave me whatever I wanted, when I wanted it, I would be a spoiled, brat that just expected everything to happen in my timing. I am glad that life isn't about that. Life is a learning and growing process. Every experience makes a person who they are. I wouldn't want to change who I am now because that would change the abundant life that God had planned for me. 


Just one last thing that is my mind is blown by....

The first image is of my little girl at 8 weeks. At that point she didn't yet have definable gender parts, so we didn't know if she was a boy or girl. She looks like a blob or teddy gram as the sonogram lady said, but you can see she has a head and body. She also had a detectable heartbeat, that was beating around 160 beats per minutes. Mind blown...this little human developing without arms and legs yet,  has a heartbeat!!! The part of humans that allows us to survive!

The second image is of my little girl at 18 weeks, just 10 short weeks later. She now has detectable gender parts and can be recognized as a baby girl! She has definable features and has grown like crazy. She is around 6 inches and in the first image she wasn't even an inch! Her heartbeat is still around 160 because she is growing so fast! She is also starting to show personality! Do you see her two little fingers making the peace symbol? She is giving her mom and dad a show! She definitely has some of her father in her!!

She is a life. She is a little human life growing to come and be something awesome in this world. How can you question a God who shows off His glory in this way? How could you doubt His existence when every day human lives are formed in a mother's womb? This is the stuff that gives me chills about my Heavenly Father!

I'd like to thank....

"I thank my God in all my remembrance of you..." Philippians 1:3

I realized long ago that infertility isn't a journey you go on alone. It is a journey that your spouse, family, current friends, old friends, pray supporters, doctors, nurses, and bosses all go on with you. I realized that without the support of all these people it would have been impossible for me to make it through the times of waiting, the IVF process, and current pregnancy. So without further ado, I decided to give out a special thanks in this post...

First, I'd like to thank all the fabulous ladies from my past who reached out to me with messages of support, love, and prayer. Each time I received a message from one of you it was usually at a time I needed it most and for that I thank you.

Thank you to my current gal pals who have always asked how I was doing or if I needed anything. It is so awesome to have women who really care and reach out through phone call, dinner dates, or email to show love. 

Thank you to all my bible study ladies and couples that have been a prayer support for Matt and I, now and during the period of waiting and hope for a baby. I am specifically thankful for the ladies that met on Tuesday nights at Heather's and for my current group of ladies, who were there for me during the darkest moments of my journey and are still a huge part of my life. I can't wait for each of you to hold and love on my baby!

Thank you to my students, boss, and co-worker friends who reminded me that life isn't always about making babies and sometimes life is about the people right in front of you. 

Thank you to my family. Dads and Moms, Brothers and Sisters, Grandmas and Grandpas, Aunts and Uncles, and Cousins all from both sides, who reached out to Matt and I, and gave us words of wisdom, lots of hugs, phone calls, emails, prayers, and unconditional love. This baby already is already so loved by those who loved Matt and I first. 

Thank you to my mother, who always took my phone calls to calm me down if I was crying, came to my house if I really needed her, took me shopping or out to eat to help me get things off my mind, and always prayed with me when I asked. She is by far the definition of mom and I hope I am at least half the mom she is to my own children. 

And finally, thank you to my husband and first love, Matthew. He went to every appointment or procedure, except one, even though some of them were ten minutes, just to hold my hand. He still goes to every appointment, but these are more fun. He let me cry and be myself when I was most upset. He took me out to eat or for frozen yogurt every time I needed to get out of the house. He prayed for me and the future of our family and now prays for our baby. He kept me and keeps me grounded on planet earth and also helps me realize that things really aren't that bad. I am unbelievably thankful for the spouse that I have been blessed with.

No, I haven't forgotten about my Holy Father. NONE of this would have happened without Him. He deserves his own post. 

Highs and Lows

Pure Joy. Extreme Happiness. Excitement beyond measure. These were the feelings I had when first finding out that IVF worked and we were pregnant. I received the official phone call from the doctor's office on a Wednesday at about 1:30 in the afternoon, three days before Christmas break. A nurse made the call and started out by saying, "I have good news...", she then proceeded to say how my HCG (pregnancy hormone levels) looked, what meds I still needed to continue to help support the development of our baby, and to schedule an appointment for Friday (the day before Christmas break) to check my HCG and progesterone levels. Standard procedure.

Irrational Fear. Extreme sadness. Incomprehensible tears. These were the feelings I had on Friday when hearing the nurse on the phone say that my HCG levels weren't rising fast enough and if I experienced any bleeding or heavy cramps I needed to go to the emergency room immediately. I was completely dumbfounded and caught off guard. One minute, I am in my classroom enjoying a class Christmas party with my students and the next I am in my boss's office with tears streaming down my face. I felt hopeless and confused. I couldn't believe that the nurse basically just told me that I was probably going to miscarry. I kept asking, "Why God? I have gone through so much already. Why are you taking this from me only two days later?" I left work to go on Christmas break without excitement and the feeling of freedom like usual, but instead with a feeling being trapped and losing control. I kinda felt like a patient who was just told you have about 6 more months to live, some one just waiting for the inevitable. The next appointment to check my levels was Monday morning (two days before Christmas).

I spent the majority of the weekend in complete depression. I had a very hard time being happy or excited about the pregnancy because I thought I was going to miscarry. I didn't want to get too attached, which is honestly impossible to do. I remember yelling at my stomach, "You are not allowed to quit! You are a fighter, just like your parents!" The doctor's appointment was early Monday morning and I knew that I wouldn't get a phone call about the HCG levels until later that afternoon. I decided that praying and reading scripture was probably the best way to spend my time, instead of wallowing in self pity. I started reading the Psalms of David. I choose that particular book because I had just finished a David study early in the year and knew some of his Psalms reflected going through times a fear and mourning. As I read, the psalms became my personal prayers and I was able to feel peace and comfort again. The phone call came around 3:30 in the afternoon, felt like years later. This time the doctor personally called me. The HCG levels had gone up significantly, but the doctor still felt they were low. She told me I would be in her thoughts because she was leaving on vacation. The phone call left me feeling hopeful. I thought the levels keep going up, that must mean something. The next appointment to check the levels was the day after Christmas.

I was very thankful that Christmas was relaxing and full of love and laughter with my family. I even got my very first baby gift from my mom. A bib. I opened the gift and burst into tears, which even caught me off guard. They weren't tears of sadness, but of knowing I had a hopeful future ahead. Well, the day after Christmas came and what do you know, the HCG levels quaturpled and the nurse told me that my low HCG level was probably a statistical anomaly, but I knew it was God.

The Bib

Welcome to the IVF Family...

 I was very amazed during our IFV cycle at the number of  families who could not have children on their own. Matt and I used, Fertility Centers of Illinois, which I would highly recommend to any one struggling to get pregnant. During our cycle we would have to go to their downtown Chicago office because it was the only office open on the weekends. Nothing stops baby making, not even Christmas! The nurses and doctors work every day of the year due to the high demand of people wanting babies. It's crazy! I came to the conclusion that I was a part of a baby making factory. The downtown office had waiting rooms for everything! We would have to wait by the front desk, then I would have to wait in a room by the ultrasounds (not the cute let's see how the baby looks ultrasounds), then in a room to get my blood drawn. I was also never alone, there were always three to four women sitting waiting with me for the exact same thing. Some women were friendly and I would befriend them for a few short minutes. We had an immediate connection and we would always wish each other "good luck" on our cycles. I sometimes wonder if IVF worked for all those other women.

You may be wondering, why ultrasounds? why blood drawn? Well, IVF is all about numbers. Matthew and I (Matthew went to every appointment except for one, couldn't of asked for a better partner) went to either our doctor's office in Oak Brook or the Downtown office every other day. Luckily this all happened during my Thanksgiving break, so I didn't need to go into work late every other day. I had to get an ultrasound to check and see how many egg follicles were forming and to check my blood for estrogen levels. The doctor has to check so much because the whole process could have been shut down if I was making too many egg follicles or too little and to check and see when I was ready to trigger, in other words have my eggs taken out. By the end, I was so used to being poked and prodded during the ultrasounds that I don't mind them that much anymore, but I still and will forever hate getting my blood drawn. The whole process latest about 14 days, but they were jammed pack with anticipation and emotion. I was a hormonal freak with all the estrogen in me from the meds. My poor husband took the brunt of most of my craziness.

Matthew and I did find time to relax and enjoy the process as well. Whenever, we went to the Downtown office we would go to this amazing donut place called, Glazed and Infused. The donuts there are the best I have ever tasted. They even have a donut with bacon on it! Matthew and I would go there after our appointments and get two donuts each. We would sit at the tiny tables and have coffee and donuts. We sat and chit chatted or people watched; we especially enjoyed watching all the people walk their dogs. We may have a weird obsession with dogs.

Not that IVF is a completely enjoyable process, but it wasn't that bad. I got to spend a lot of time with Matthew, I learned a lot about the world of fertility, and I choose to trust God even more with His plans for our family. If I had to go back and change my mind about doing IVF, I wouldn't. I know in my heart this was what Matthew and I were meant to do to have a family. I couldn't be more amazed with God's faithfulness through it all.

Luke 1:37

November 30, 2013 was the last time I blogged and at that time I was in the midst of my IVF treatments. I had not had my egg retrieval or transfer yet and was completely unaware of what what to come only 19 days later. It's pretty amazing what can happen in a person's life in a matter of only 19 days...

On December 18, 2013, Matthew and I went into the fertility doctors office to see if I was pregnant through a blood sample. This was exactly 10 days after the doctors transferred our embryo into my uterus. Those 10 days of waiting were the LONGEST days of waiting I had yet endured. My mind would sometimes shift from the fear of not being pregnant to the hope of being pregnant-torturous!  My fears were conquered at about 1:30 that afternoon when a nurse called to tell me I was officially PREGNANT!

But, what I haven't told you yet, is that the night before I took a home pregnancy test. I was home alone because Matt had class, so my mind was racing with still not knowing the outcome. Curiosity got the best of me and I just HAD to know. I realized that I wanted to be prepared for whatever the outcome and have my moment of joy or sorrow in the comfort of my own home, instead of at work the next day.   That night, Dec 17, I saw the first positive home pregnancy test in all the months of trying to conceive and I was beside myself with tears of disbelief. I stood in my bathroom and seriously could not believe my eyes, this was the moment I had been waiting for. This was the moment I had spent so many hours praying for and it finally arrived! I obviously called Matthew and told him the news, who is somewhat of a skeptic and actually didn't get too excited about the pregnancy until the official results from the doctor. Not the most romantic way of sharing the news, but at this point I didn't care.

Even though I had some fear of the first round of IVF not working, I also had a sign from God that I was finally going to be a mom that kept me mostly hopeful for the 10 days of waiting. This sign comes from the verse Luke 1:37, "For with God nothing shall be impossible" in 3 distinct ways before and on the day of our embryo transfer.

1. I was in HobbyLobby getting craft supplies one Saturday during my IVF treatments and decided to go look at Wall Decals. I found one I really liked for my kitchen without having much thought about it. When I put the phrase on the wall in my kitchen, I looked up the verse, Luke 1:37, and found that it comes from the story of how Mary's cousin, Elizabeth, was with child at a very old age after years of waiting. "For with God nothing shall be impossible."

2. During the Christmas season, KLove (a Christian radio station), used speakers to remind us of the Christmas story. One of the speakers told the story of Elizabeth and Zachariah. The speaker said that this story is often forgotten in the Christmas season, but plays huge part. I only heard this speaker's story once, days before our embryo transfer, and it happened to be an encouraging word that nothing is impossible for God.

3. This next sign from God actually gave me chills and the most affirming sign that I was going to be pregnant. The day of our embryo transfer was a Sunday in early December right after Advent began. I am sure many churches go through the Christmas story or use passages about the coming of Christ, but on this specific Sunday both my parent's pastor and our pastor were preaching on the verse Luke 1: 37, "For nothing shall be impossible with God". My mom texted me that morning when I was at the fertility center and said, "Pastor Steve preached on Luke 1:37!! Oh my goodness! God is with you and Matt and NOTHING is impossible with HIM!" I found that to be one of the most encouraging and affirming signs that we had just "made" a baby!

Even now, almost 14 weeks into my pregnancy, fears can overtake my mind about the baby. What if the heart stops beating? What if something is wrong with the baby? What if...? What if...? I can't live by the "What ifs..." I remind myself that this child is a blessing from God, as all children are, and since NOTHING is impossible for God then how can I not trust Him and worry about the "What ifs..." God has already done so much with plans in my life that it's stupid for me not to trust that He has great plans for my child's life.

"For NOTHING shall be impossible with God." Luke 1:37