Thankful Heart

What I have learned through this journey is that it is REALLY easy to be happy with God when things are going well. Even after accepting the fate of having to deal with IVF, I still had times when life was going pretty well and it was easy for me to just thank God for all he has done. It is most hard for me to thank God in times of pain or suffering because I feel that I am all alone and that He doesn't really care what is happening to me or that He is letting this happen, so I must have done something wrong. Deep down I know that it must be for a reason (usually the reason is only to make me stronger and honor Him) and I am still learning those lessons. Now, months later, I can begin see how He worked through my suffering. 

I can see that His hand was a part of the whole journey. I thank Him for letting me born in a time period when doctors and medicine allow for such miracles to take place in science. Actually, I thank Him for giving humans such amazing brains that they can even think of ideas and procedures such as IVF. It wasn't even 40 years ago that couples who were infertile even had the choice to have there own children through procedures like IVF. That is just pretty amazing!

I thank Him for protecting me through the different procedures that I had to undergo and all the potential complications that doctors always scare you with. I am really beginning to despise those potential complications especially now that I am going in for prenatal check-ups. Is it really necessary to tell me every little thing that COULD happen to me or the baby!  Ignorance really is bliss.

I thank Him for giving me peace that I couldn't or can't explain through the waiting or the "I have no idea if I will ever have children" period. Phillipians 4:7 makes complete sense to me now, "And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." I honestly don't know what I would have done if I let my mind go crazy. There probably would have been way more tears and anger towards couples who can get pregnant on their own. 


I could go on an on about how God's timing was perfect and different things happened that made the journey even better in the end, but I am not. I just thank God for being God! A God who loves his children unconditionally, who is a Father that teaches His children many life lessons only so that we can have a full and abundant life through Him. I mean if God just gave me whatever I wanted, when I wanted it, I would be a spoiled, brat that just expected everything to happen in my timing. I am glad that life isn't about that. Life is a learning and growing process. Every experience makes a person who they are. I wouldn't want to change who I am now because that would change the abundant life that God had planned for me. 


Just one last thing that is my mind is blown by....

The first image is of my little girl at 8 weeks. At that point she didn't yet have definable gender parts, so we didn't know if she was a boy or girl. She looks like a blob or teddy gram as the sonogram lady said, but you can see she has a head and body. She also had a detectable heartbeat, that was beating around 160 beats per minutes. Mind blown...this little human developing without arms and legs yet,  has a heartbeat!!! The part of humans that allows us to survive!

The second image is of my little girl at 18 weeks, just 10 short weeks later. She now has detectable gender parts and can be recognized as a baby girl! She has definable features and has grown like crazy. She is around 6 inches and in the first image she wasn't even an inch! Her heartbeat is still around 160 because she is growing so fast! She is also starting to show personality! Do you see her two little fingers making the peace symbol? She is giving her mom and dad a show! She definitely has some of her father in her!!

She is a life. She is a little human life growing to come and be something awesome in this world. How can you question a God who shows off His glory in this way? How could you doubt His existence when every day human lives are formed in a mother's womb? This is the stuff that gives me chills about my Heavenly Father!