Better than I can imagine...

There are many lessons or "things" that I have learned from being in my late 20s that I didn't really care about or pay attention to while I was having fun in my early 20s. Starting out with the fact that once you "own" a house it kinda owns you. Mortgage and taxes are just part of the story...mice, ants, spiders, broken front door locks, bees in the master bedroom, and over flowing utility sinks have consumed my happy home. Another fact would be, if I stay up past 9 pm my whole body aches the next day. When did that happen! I remember pulling all-nighters in college without even a yawn. But the biggest fact or lesson I have learned, is NOTHING happens the way you imagine it to work out. When I was in high school, I imagined getting married while I was in college or immediately after and having my first baby by the time I was 25. None of that actually happened. I got married 2 years after college (I guess you could consider that immediately, but I figured I would be like 23 not 25) and I am pushing 29 with no baby in sight. Life hasn't worked out exactly the way I imagined it, and that can lead to stress and thinking life will never meet my expectations.

 Learning to let go and let God take over has been one of the hardest things for me to do. After learning that my first IVF cycle was going to be pushed back to after May sometime, I decided it was high time for me to let it go. I realized I had been trying to control this entire process.  I was completely stressed out and consumed with getting pregnant. I even quit going to Bible Study because I thought I should have a break to stay completely relaxed (I am back in Bible Study). So here's what I have to say, "Have your way, God! You're going to do what You want anyway!" I am learning that God's will is always best even when I can't imagine how it could be. In the end, I will win and find extreme joy in the entire situation. The ride isn't always going to be the way I would have wanted it, but because I know in my heart that it's what God wants, the ride does get easier. My prayer is that if you are also struggling with God's plan for your life, you find the peace that can transcend all understanding as I am learning to find.

Encouraging Words

I came across some very profound words today. I am sure that I have heard this before and deep down I know that they are true, but today I felt very encouraged by them. Here's what I came across,

"God has a task for you--one He planned very long ago and suited for our present generation....God desires for us to encourage one another in our tasks, but we are responsible only for completing our own." (Beth Moore). 

I think I found them so encouraging because they just reiterate the fact that God does everything with a purpose. I don't know what role infertility will play in my life (or maybe it's playing a role right now), but I do know there has got to be some purpose. If you find yourself struggling like me, I hope you are encouraged by these words too. Who knows why God does the things He does with our lives, but just knowing that it was planned out very long ago to be used in the generation that we are currently living in gives me the chills.

The one...the only...Paul...

Do you have a favorite Bible character? Actually when I think about it they aren't really characters...they are real, genuine, people. Mine would have to be Paul. Paul's story is really quite inspiring. He is also a role model for me and a huge reason why I understand God has huge plan's for those who love Him. And also, that Christians aren't exempt from pain and suffering just because we believe in God. I started doing a 90 day journey with Paul, compliments of Beth Moore. I have been learning more than I bargained for and have seen how great our God is.

Paul started out as a Pharisee and even had a different name, Saul. He was really quite evil and killed many Christians that didn't follow the ways of the Pharisee's and their old testament thinking. He thought he was very righteous and had life all figured out. I would say that he had a HUGE ego and massive amounts of pride. Usually when people have HUGE ego's and massive amount's of pride, they get knocked down eventually. That's exactly what happened to Paul. God literally knocked him down and asked Paul why he was persecuting Him? (Acts 9). Paul couldn't deny God's amazing power after that and become a follower himself.

What is so inspiring about Paul is that his devotion to God is like none I have seen. When he became a Christian he was heavily persecuted himself by being put into prisons, put before Roman judges, put into dangerous situations where Jews wanted to stone him to death, and put into hiding. I don't tell the story nearly as great as the Bible does. I don't really even give it justice, but I hope you can start to see his devotion to God. What amazes me the most is that Paul never gave up and he always trusted God.

Paul had no idea the path that God was going to take him on, but he always trusted that God's ways and plans were better. I don't know my path either. It can be scary to think about and fear can enter my mind. Will I ever have kids? What if IVF doesn't work? If I do have kids, will they be healthy? Will I be a good parent? What if I screw up, raising kids is getting harder and harder? I am sure even Paul had moments of fear (I mean he was still human), but Paul never stopped trusting in God and what plans He had. Paul's story is really quite inspiring because I know that trusting God and letting Him rule what happens in your life always turns out better than you can expect. It is definitely easier said than done, but knowing that many have trusted God before me makes it a lot easier.