5 years

Five years ago, at about 5:30 pm, Matthew and I said our "I-dos"in a small church in Lansing, IL. In all honesty, it is quite a miracle that we even got married with how screwed up our pasts were. God knew what He was doing when He allowed us to meet at Anderson University. He knew that even though we were quite sinful and living how we pleased, we were meant for each other. He knew that we would choose to use our marriage to glorify Him.

We took vows that day.

Vows that promised to be constant friends, faithful partners, and each other's great love from that day forward.

We promised to be faithful in sickness and in health. This may seem trivial and many marriage vows say that exact line, but when I honestly think about it, it can make or break a marriage. It's easy to be happy and joyful when you are both healthy, but it's a whole different scenario when some one is "sick". God knew Matthew and I were meant to be.  I don't know who I would have wanted to share the journey of infertility with besides him. God blessed me with such a patient, loyal, honorable, and loving husband. God knew this "sickness" that became our marriage would only make us love each other more.

We promised to be faithful in good times and in bad. Another make or break marriage-type-vow. In five years, I would say Matthew and I have had our share of good times and bad. We've have many great adventures together by going on many different trips to explore the world around us, we've ate good food, drank good wine, and just had those Friday nights were we just wanted to watch a movie and eat pizza. We've also endured fights, a house flooding, a dog dying, cars breaking down, and the obvious, not knowing if we could conceive. God has been there through it all. Five years later, I can honestly say I wouldn't change any of it.

We promised to be supportive in each other's goals. I am a goal oriented person. In fact, this may be a quality my husband gets annoyed with because my goal oriented personality also means I struggle to have patience when completing my goals in a timely matter. God knew Matthew was meant for me. Matthew has been there as I took on two years of Master courses, redecorated our house (and spent more money than I should have), needed things done "at this moment", and nesting this summer. Nesting could have pushed him over board, especially since I needed certain things done in a specific order, but being the patient husband that he is, our house is perfect for baby's arrival. God also knew Matthew needed me to be patient and supportive as he figured out what his purpose and career should look like. I think he's finally found his niche in landscaping, ponds, and plants. God has given him a career, he finally has a passion for and that is something you can't take for granted.

We promised to cherish each other for as long as we both shall live. In the first year of marriage, newly weds probably don't really know what it means to cherish some one. Life at that point is still rainbows and kittens, but as life gets "real", you learn what it means to cherish someone. I know that Matthew and I still have a lot a head of us and a lot of cherishing to learn. I am honored to have gone through what we did because after five years I can be cliche and say, I love Matthew more than the day I married him. I can only imagine what our next five years will bring on.

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil, cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves." Romans 12:9-10 This was our wedding verse. It is most difficult to honor another before yourself, but if you try just a little a married life is worth it.

27 Days

27 days. I can't believe that after waiting for 30 months to get pregnant, I only have 27 days until little, miss Loerop is supposed to enter the world. It seems like a million years ago that I found out I would have great difficultly becoming pregnant and now it seems so surreal that our little family of two, will become a family of three in 27 days. 

Right before we started the IVF treatment, some good friends of ours gave us a very thoughtful gift. I am sure when they took time to make us the gift, they probably didn't think how much it would really mean to us and how we would use the gift. The gift consisted of perfectly chosen bible verses written on pieces of paper to encourage us as I was injected with medicine through needles, going to check the progress of my eggs every other day, having my eggs retracted, having our embryos conceived, having the perfect, little embryo implanted, and finally waiting the long 2 weeks to find out if the whole process worked. Every day, Matthew and I would take a bible verse, read it, and then tape it to the nursery door. The door became some what of a place where Matt and I would tape things up to encourage us through out my pregnancy. 

The items on the door consisted of more than just pieces of paper with Bible verses on them, but also the place where we taped up her first ultrasound pictures. The pictures include her embryo (which is basically an arrow pointing to where she was implanted), her amniotic sack (she was still too small to be seen in an ultrasound), and finally her "teddy gram" photo (her first picture is of when she was the size of a teddy gram, so that is how we refer to it). Another object, we included on the door is our positive pregnancy test. It may be creepy that a pee stick is taped to the door, but it holds such encouragement to me specifically, as it was the first positive test I had ever seen in the 2 1/2 years I had been waiting. To finally see a positive test after so many negatives is celebration and reason to hang on our door. 

The picture below is of the door, pretty early on into our pregnancy, with most of the bible verses, pregnancy text, and her embryo photo. 

I obviously am not keeping all these items that have been our encouragement on her nursery door. I decided I have to do something significant with the Bible verses. This past month, I have been heavy into the nesting part of pregnancy and took a lot of time to decorate and make her nursery my "dream" nursery (Blog Post coming soon with pictures of the finished nursery). I decided that part of the nursery decor should be a wall hanging with the bible verses that encouraged Matthew and I.  

The wall hanging was made using an art canvas, Modge Podge, and scrapbooking stickers. I wanted, "For With God Nothing Shall be Impossible" as the focal point because that will be the life verse for her baby dedication as it was a huge part of the day she was implanted and an encouragement to me as I waited to see if I was pregnant or not. 

27 days. I can't believe in 27 days the prayer and dream I have had for a long time will finally come true.

Classroom 208

Goodbyes are a hard fact of life.

This past week, I had to say good-bye to Room 208. Room 208 has been my classroom for the past 3 years. It was my first ever classroom to serve as a homeroom for my first two graduating classes. It was the first classroom that became my domain for teaching reading to 8th grade in. It was the classroom where I laughed, cried, yelled, danced, and listened with students in. It was the classroom where I found out from the doctor that I was pregnant after waiting for so long. I absolutely loved this classroom.

Room 208 has been my home and last week I packed up all my things to put into storage because I will be moving positions and coming back in the middle of the year. It was a strange feeling taking down bulletin boards, putting books away, packing up my desk, and making sure it was left clean for the next occupant. My heart was heavy and saddened knowing that the room and job I love so much is changing.

Goodbyes may be a hard fact of life, but hellos can be far better.

This past week, I realized that I have something far more important to plan for than Room 208 and teaching Literature. I get to have the important and honoring task of being a mother to my very own baby girl. A baby girl that I get to say hello to in 10 weeks. I may be loosing something that I completely love, but I am gaining something that I will love with all of my heart.

And who knows, it is possible that the next classroom I say hello to, will serve me even better memories.