Orchestrated Moments and updates

Have you ever had weird encounters or words of encouragement out of the blue from people that you haven't spoken to in years or months? Words of encouragement  or encounters with people you realize must have been influenced by God? If you have, it is probably one of the most real moments you can have with the Holy Spirit. I had a few such moments this past weekend that have left me unbelievably encouraged and extremely filled to the brim with hope for the future.

This weekend I spent some quality time with my mother and brother's wife at a Beth Moore speaking engagement. If you have never been to one of these, I highly recommend. You will leave feeling so inspired and refreshed in your faith and walk with the Lord.  The Holy Spirit was already at work in my heart from just that, but then God topped it off by sending blessings my way that I can only believe are from Him.

 The first moment was a Facebook message from a high school friend, whom I haven't talked to or seen since graduation day over ten years ago. The message was filled with words of love and encouragement about Matt and I's journey to becoming parents. It came right in the midst of an already encouraging message from Beth Moore.

The second moment was an email from a former student, who is now a freshman in high school. The email was sent to tell me how her teacher is amazed with her prior poetry and literature knowledge. She told me that she has found every thing I taught her useful for her success in high school. It was a moment I knew that God had orchestrated for me to encounter when I did.

The weekend also gave me the boost to share what has been going on in my life for the past couple of months as well. I wasn't sure if I was ready to share, since things are happening and about to get very real for Matthew and I. After this weekend, I know I am ready and supposed to.  Back in February of 2013, I was scheduled to begin my first round of IVF until the doctor found a cyst on one of my ovaries. Since then, I have had four ultrasounds to check to see if the cyst has gone away. It has not. I originally thought that we could not go through with IVF until the cyst was gone or removed per my fertility doctor's request. However, my surgical doctor gave me different advice. She basically told me that I should seek a second opinion because nothing about the cyst is life-threatening or of medical concern. That is exactly what my husband and I did.

Our new fertility doctor is comfortable with going forward with IVF and we are currently preparing for our first and God-willing ONLY cycle. Praises all around! I absolutely DID NOT want to have to undergo another surgery. Matt and I couldn't be more thrilled and encouraged. We spent 7 months waiting around and feeling like this process would NEVER happen when all along there were doctors who would go forward. I do not regret waiting this long to get a second opinion. I do not regret having to go through this entire process. I realize that through pain God makes us stronger. Through pain we become changed people who are more prepared for whatever else life throws at us. Through pain we grow in our relationships with those that we love. Through pain we always end up seeing what we couldn't see before.

A Year later...

It's been exactly one year since Matthew and I began our journey together to have a family. A year ago, I was a completely different person. A year ago, if some one told me that they were pregnant, I probably would have cried. A year later, the pain still hits, but I am less likely to cry and more likely to listen to praise and worship music. A year ago, I felt hopeless. A year later, I feel extremely hopeful and completely filled with peace.  A year ago, I was scared and felt a lone in my struggle. A year later, I am confident and have built many new relationships and even made old ones stronger. A year ago, I didn't know if I would be a mom. A year later, I am certain in God's plan.

God has given me so much strength through my pain. He is the reason I can say all those things. He is the reason that I know I will be a mom. As much as this process has been painful and on-going, I know that God has my back. Good things will come and I can't wait to share how Matt and my story unfolds.  But for now, I just want to praise and thank God for never leaving me and for always giving me peace. I know from personal experience that letting yourself get the "best" of you is never going to be the best way to deal with pain. Letting yourself be completely filled with fear and anger will never make you feel better. I know.  Letting go of yourself and letting God fill you with love and peace is the only way I can honestly say will get you through your time of suffering.